Dana Maria Woodman 20
by Kawaii On'nanoko
Summary: Basically like Dana Maria Woodman except the pairing is Simon/Dana
1. Bloody Brilliant!

Dana POV

Mr. Brown came into the nursery, worried and scared. We were eating the chicken that Evangeline made for us. This is one of the few times I don't follow my motto " I don't do what other people tell me to do."

How do you do? My name is Dana Maria Woodman and I currently live with the Browns to avoid conflict between my ruthless parents who are divorced. I am ten just like the eldest Brown, Simon, (A/N I made a guess) have long dark brown hair that I always put in a braid, framed, baby blue glasses, and brown eyes. I was helping the Browns get rid of nannies that are the complete opposite of their mother, Annabeth Brown Nee Davies. Anyway, onward with the story.

Eric was a bloody genius! It's simple yet so effective. My scientific plan was elaborate yet it would've had little chance of succeeding.

"Where's Aggy?" Mr. Brown inquired.

We shot looks of mock guilt as we heard gargling, giggling, and tingling of bells inside the pot where the chicken was cooked. Mind the was cooked part. Mr Brown opened the pot quickly.

As he inspected his baby girl, he said,"Look at you. You're all cabbage-y. And you're all gravy." He turned to us. "As was doubtless your intention, Nanny Whetstone has resigned from her post. Now I shall go to the agency this afternoon, and I shall hire a new nanny. And you will not drive her away as you have with Nanny Whetstone and all of her predecessors."

Mr. Brown stormed away, wiping off the homemade gravy off his face.

Aggy cooed, "Papa."

I turned to Simon. "Did you see her reaction? Priceless! But she made me deaf in one ear." I rubbed right ear.

Simon smirked and went to our counting closet to mark the fattest nanny's meltdown. "Three days, eight hours, forty seven minutes. So that go rid of her... Twenty three hours and thirty minutes quicker than the last one." He marked it.

"And to think she's the top of London's strongest nannies list. Pathetic," I remarked.

"I think the turning point was definitely eating the baby. Well done, Eric."

"Don't you think it's more of a 'Bloody brilliant' thing, Si? I mean, the plan made that fatty nanny run at fifty miles an hour!" I butted in.


	2. Distressing Him, Distressing Us

Sebastian started stamping on piano while eating strawberry jam. I groaned frustrating as I was reading one of Mr. Brown's physics book I managed to steal. Eric smirked at me after fixing up the invention I destroyed. We were never on good terms due to our likeness of science and competition. The compliment from earlier? We always have a truce when it comes to nannies. I mean, really! A nanny that doesn't let you do what you want? Preposterous!

Mr. Brown barged in angrily, yelling, "Well, that's the final straw!" We quieted down as Chrissy grunted and held on to her father's right leg. "There are no more nannies. None . all over. Finished. And I've had to cancel my vital appointment. That's going to cause no end of trouble, I can tell you."

Torra interjected,"I told them not to. It wasn't my idea!"

Simon added, "Don't look at me. It wasn't my fault."

"Yeah. It was that bloody Woodman's fault!" Eric accused.

"You git! It was your bloody idea! A idiotic one at that!"

"As I recall, you said it was a bloody brilliant idea. Or was it just an act to impress me?"

Almost everyone in the Brown household thinks I am in love with Eric. Simon, on the other hand...

"You foul, loathsome, evil, little cockroach!"

I wanted to kick him in the shins, but the Brown patriarch stopped me.

"Dana...Well, you seem intent on distressing me, so-" he noticed Chrissy and picked her up. "Uh, don't do that, darling. That's my sore bit. You seem intent on distressing so now I am going to distress you! You are to- to go to bed immediately!"

Seb asked, "Before supper?"

"Without supper." And with that, he left.

"Did he say without supper?"

"Never mind that. There's no more nannies."

Simon put his hands on the table and looked at us with a mischievous look in his eyes. We smiled back.


	3. Evangeline

"Eric! Eric! That's my teddy!"

Eric's contraption cut off Chrissy's beloved teddy bear's head. In between physics and Eric's dismay, my favorite thing is playing with Chrissy. She reminds me so much of myself when I was her age. Innocent and naive. This adds more to my hatred towards Eric because he takes all of Chrissy's toys and cuts their heads off.

"You moron! Give Chrissy back her teddy! You know she can't sleep without it! You heartless little monster!" I screamed.

"Eric, stop doing this!"

Eric started to run around holding the stuffed animal high in the air. Eric looked scrawny, but he was very fast on his legs. When we caught him, he threw the toy in the air to pass it to Lilly, who was taking a break from books and saw this one way trip to extreme fun.

"Give it back, Eric!" Chrissy shrieked.

Everyone started shouting. Everyone was yelling at Eric and Lilly to give the bear back excluding Seb who was spreading paint on the piano keys. The door opened and Evangeline came in.

"All right,you lot!" We kept yelling. "Quiet! You're driving your poor father to distraction. Stop it."

She took the bear from Lilly and gave to Chrissy whom was hitting Eric. Eric's suit-like vest jacket thing came undone and his shirt was untucked.

"Lilly, what's this word?" Evangeline asked, showing her the word and bringing me back to reality.

"Lovingly. He took her lovingly by the hand."

"What's your book about, Evangeline?" Torra asked.

"Is it interesting?" I asked.

"It's about a daughter of a nice man who remarries after his wife dies and the stepmother's horrid to her."

"Why doesn't the man stop her from being horrid to her?"

Simon, who had turned to the window after Evangeline came in, turned back around yo answer. "Fathers all turn bad when their wives die. They don't care anymore."

"Or when they lose them to a divorce," Eric added.

"Leave my mother out of this!"

"Simon, yours does."

"No, he doesn't. Does he read to Chrissy like he used to? Does he play cricket with us like he used to? He doesn't even sing "Loola-bye" to Aggy anymore. We hardly see him."

"He loves you , Simon. You know that. He's just had a lot on his mind since-"

"Since Mother died."

The air in the room grew tensed. I felt out of place and at the same time understanding. Mum started drinking since Dad spent more time on work and never came out of his study. I lost my parents emotionally so I knew how it felt.

"You used to be his close as anything."

"Not anymore. All he cares about now is getting himself a nice new wife."

"Well, I dunno if that's true or not, but perhaps it will be nice to have a new mother."

"Don't you know anything about the world, Evangeline? Whoever he marries will be vile and treat us like slaves."

"You don't know that."

"Plenty of hard evidence for it." Eric came over, looking like his usual self, much to my dismay, with the fairy tales book. "There isn't a single stepmother in there who is halfway decent. They're an evil breed." Evangeline opened the book as he said this.

I stood up and stood near Evangeline. "I have to agree with him on this one, Evangeline. My father married again and asked me to visit them. When Dad was around, Jane was as sweet as honey. When his back was turned, she was as fake as vinegar. She's a quack I tell you."

"Anyway, who likes other people's children?"he asked, fixing up his invention.

"I like you."

"Yes, but you're a servant. You're paid to like us. That doesn't count."

A hurt expression crossed Evangeline's face as Eric cut off another doll head.

"Eric, don't say that. I do believe that Evangeline likes you all genuinely. Besides, it isn't very nice to call someone a servant," I put gently.

"Well, I've got work to be getting done with," she said, picking up her book and left.

Seb ran after her, asking, "I really am hungry, Evangeline. Could you maybe bring me some secret toast and jam?" Evangeline ignored him. "All right, forget the jam,. Just some secret toast!"


	4. Enter Nanny McPhee

Simon gave the signal and I let the toy mouse go. It squeaked and the widowed old hag opened her eyes with panic. The metal mouse squeaked again and again, moving from one place to the next. She got up slowly, no doubt because of her fat pride weighing her down.

"Now, you listen here, you pustular tykes. You ain't allowed in the kitchen. Not now, not ever. I have it in writing. In writing." She took out the parchment, pointing at it.

Mrs. Blatherwick caught the mouse and banged her masher's stick on it.

"Where are you, you mewling half-bakes? I'm ready for you, and I'm hard-oh!"

Eric hit her with a frying pan from the dumbwaiter, and I fell over, giggling. It sounds so wrong every time!

Aggy was sleeping in her basket, Chrissy and Lilly were catapulting random stuff into a pot of boiling hot water, Seb was eating and swinging on the pot holders, Eric was making a bomb, while Torra and I were clipping up stinky socks and throwing them into Simon's pot where he was smashing them into a green mixture. Chrissy, Seb, and Lilly were screaming so much that it made me hoarse.

"We got Cook! We got Cook!" Chrissy screamed.

I smiled. No doubt about it. She is almost exactly like me. Torra noticed Eric brewing something up from under the table.

"Eric, you're not making another bomb, are you?"

The door opened, and the most horrid looking woman walked in.

"Oh, look." The whole room became a little quieter at Simon's voice. "The door's open, and there's nobody there."

I exchanged looks with Torra who was equally worried and self-conscious.

Cook screamed,"Help!Help me!"

"I am here. I am Nanny McPhee."

"Oh, d-d-d-did somebody speak?"

"I didn't hear anything," Eric replied.

"That's because nobody's there," Seb added.

"Then listen carefully and try to hear this. You are to stop what you are doing, put the kitchen to rights, and go upstairs to bed."

"I'd just had an idea. How about we play here in the kitchen all night long?"

""Let's! Let's! Let's!" Chrissy yelled, jumping up and down.

"Excellent notion," Eric added devilishly.

Seb said,"Tomatoes!"

Chrissy urged,"Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!" The gnarly nanny took out a stick. "Jump! Jump! Jump. Jump."

I stole a glance at Simon and then followed the suit, looking at the ugly hag in horror. She banged the stick and we bag an to do everything hastily.

Lilly asked, "What's she done?!"

"She's done something to us," Eric replied hotly.

"They went in the pot! They went in the pot!"

I turned slightly to look at what Lilly was talking about. The vegetables went in the pot.

"I can't stop!" Chrissy complained.

"She banged her stick!"

"Will you shut up, Eric?!" I said.

Chrissy said,"I'm going to be sick!"

"It must be magic!"

Lilly asked,"What's happening? Please, Simon, let's stop."

"We've got to stop."

Eric and I simultaneously said,"Let's stop!"

Chrissy agreed,"Let's stop!"

"Well, stop if you want then," Simon responded.

"We can't!" We all screamed, excluding Seb because I couldn't tell from his slurred screams.

"It's her fault!" Chrissy pointed at Nanny McPhee.

"It all started when she banged her stick!"

"Thank you, Captain Obvious!"

"Dana, will you please shut up?"

"If you will, you low life!"

"I can't stop!" Chrissy said again.

"Slow down!" Eric said.

"Simon!" Torra and I yelled.

"Come on then, whoever you are. Let's stop all this and go to bed."

"Say please."

"I never say please!"

"You just did, idiot!" I muttered.

"Very well."

"Please."

"Please."

"Please."

"Please."

"Please."

"Please."

"Don't touch Aggy!"

"Wait! Say it!"

"Simon! Give up on your pride, the moment's gone!"

"Actually, Simon, would you? Because this baby's going to blow," Eric added.

"Your baby sister's going to the stockpot, Simon!" I added.

"Put her back, Chrissy!" Eric ordered.

"Oh, for goodness sake's, please, then," Simon huffed.

"Take Aggy off me!"

"Please, Nanny McPhee," the nanny said.

"Chrissy don't!"

"Say it!"

"Take Aggy out!"

"No Lilly!"

"Simon!"

"Si! Swallow your bloody pride already!"

"I can't stop myself!"

Simon looked at her in the eye, red faced and irritated. "Please, Nanny McPhee."

"I'm going to jump!" Lilly yelled.

"Too late!" Eric screamed, his bomb exploding.

She banged her stick and everything came back to appeared near the door, in tallest to shortest order, with Torra carrying Aggy and me next to Si, my being shorter than him.

"Blimey," Seb said breathlessly.

"Up to bed now, please," Nanny McPhee said.

* * *

As we were brushing our hair in the bathroom, I wanted to tell Tora about my feelings towards Si.

"Tora?"

"Hmm?"

"Well, I know this boy, and I'm not really sure how I feel about him."

"Go on."

"Well, he is clever, that's for sure. He's stubborn and puts up a fight, but he does know when to give up. He has chocolate eyes that just makes me want to melt. His sharp tongue makes me want to just kiss him right there and then."

"It's Eric, isn't it?"

"No, it's not."

"Suuure. Then who is it?"

"Promise you won't tell."

"Cross my heart and hope to die."

"Simon."

"Could you say that again? I thought you said it was Simon."

"You heard right. It's Simon."

"Really? Well, you are obviously head over heels for him. I think he likes you too."

"You think so?"

"I know so.

* * *

Simon POV

I was starting to feel all mushy gushy when Dana was yelling at me. And _that_ **NEVER**ever happened to Simon Brown. I wanted to ask someone about it, but Eric and Sebastian are too young to understand.I couldn't ask Papa about it. He wouldn't listen. Stupid hormones. I saw Tora and Dana come out of the bathroom, looking fresh. I noticed that Dana's hair was down and curly. Not curly like Lilly's hair but soft curls cascading down her back. I wanted to run my fingers through it so badly. When she passed my bed, Tora whispered something to her. Her eyes widen at the suggestion, hit Torra lightly with her brush, and took a quick glance at me, blushing. I smirked. Maybe she did like me back.

I had explained the plan earlier, and we had started arguing.

"You are not brave. Fine. Be brave then."

"Yes, well, I nearly got blown up, and anyway I-I-"

All of us lied down except for me. Chrissy giggled as the nanny passed her. The nanny picked up something of Chrissy's and placed it on the foot of the bed.

"You must feel at such a disadvantage, Nanny McPhee," I began.

"In what way?"

"We know your name, but you don't know ours." I held up my hand. "Pleased to make your aquaintance. I'm Oglington Fartworthy."

Aggy farted herself and the others all laughed harder. Dana's face was getting red, and looked like she was about to pass out and fall off the bed.

She shook my hand. "How do you do?"

"Uh, that's F-A-R-T. Fart…worthy."

She looked at Dana. "Merlin Snog."

Tora was next. "Booger McHorsefanny."

And then Lilly. "Knickers O'Muffin."

Eric."Sandra."

Chrissy."Bum.'

"I'm Bum!" Sebastian protested.

"Oh, Bosoms."

Aggy. "Bum."

"You can't be Bum, Aggy. Sebastian's Bum. You're Poop," Chrissy stated.

"Poop Bum."

"You can't be Poop and Bum," Sebastian reasoned.

McFat bent over to look at Aggy in the eye. "Good night, Agatha." We all quieted down. "Good night, Dana Maria. Good night, Sebastian. Good night, Tora. Good night, Christianna. Good night, Lilly. Good night, Eric." She turned around. "Good night, Simon. There is something you should know about the way I work. When you need me but do not want me, I shall stay. If you want me but no longer need me, I have to go. It's quite sad, really, but there it is."

"Why would we ever want such an ugly nanny?" Dana asked.

"To make it simple, we would never want you," I added.

"Then, I will never go." She turned off the lights and left.

Tora asked, "How did she know our names? No one ever knows our names."

"Magic," Chrissie answered.

"Witchcraft," Eric elaborated.

"It doesn't matter. We're getting rid of her tomorrow," I replied.


	5. Something She Did Not Expect

Simon POV

Later that night I heard creaking and I looked discreetly at what was happening. A shadow was tiptoeing out of the room. I followed it. It was female because she was whispering. I couldn't make out the words, but the voice was clearly feminine. She went outside, sitting on the bottom step, I thought it was Lilly or Tora but I noticed her hair was curly and dark brown. Dana.

"Hey," I said.

Dana jumped, but relaxed when she saw that it was me. "Hi."

"Mind if I join you?" I asked.

"Not at all. Be my guest." She smiled.

I sat down on the step above her,asking, "What are you doing ?"

"I dunno to be honest. I just felt like I should be here."

"It's about the nanny, isn't it?"

"I just can't understand how you can be so stubborn."

"Guess that's why you fancy Eric more than you fancy me."

"Si, do you really buy that?"

"It looks like you do."

"I don't. He's my number one enemy. You and your siblings, on the other hand, are my dream siblings."

She looked to anywhere but my eyes. She started to fidget with her hands.

"Dana, I know you're lying. Tell me the honest truth. I won't laugh."

"Promise?"

I lifted her chin. "Promise." I let go of her chin.

"Umm, I-bloody-like-you-so-much," she said quickly.

"Did you just say you like me?"

"You understood that?"

I shrugged. "Yeah."

"..."

"Look, Dana. Don't sweat it, all right? You're not the only one. I like you too."

"You're joking."

"No, Dana, I'm not. I swear. From the bottom of my heart, I think, no. I know you are the most beautiful girl I have ever met. Scratch that. Most _gorgeous_ girl I will _ever_ meet."

A strand of hair fell to her face and I lightly pushed it behind her ear. She smiled. I took her head delicately and gave her a sweet kiss on the forehead. She smiled even brighter and wider.

"Come on. It's getting late and cold."

As if on cue, she shivered. "You're right, but what are we?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are we friends or what?"

"We're a couple, of course."

"Funny, I don't remember you asking me."

"Dana Maria Woodman, would you do me of the barely possible honor of becoming my girlfriend?"

"I'd thought you'd never ask."

I stood up and offered my hand for her to take. I helped her up and walked with her to the bedroom. As I used to my free hand to reach the doorknob, Dana's other hand stopped me.

"Should we tell them?"

"After we get rid the nanny."

"The fatty nanny," she agreed.

When we got near my bed, she kissed me on the cheek and started to her bed. I grabbed her hand and kissed her hand.

"Good night, Dana."

"Good night, Si."

I fell asleep, dreaming of me and Dana leading a delightful life with wonderful children.


	6. Big Bang The Theory

Dana POV

I dreamed of Si and I having a wonderful family when I heard birds chirping. I grudging woke.

"Time to get up." Someone moaned. "Hmm. I all give you half an hour to be up, washed, dressed, teeth cleaned, beds made, and out into the garden for some healthful fresh air before breakfast. Lessons start at nine. Sharp."

She left.

"I don't know about you lot but I want to stay in bed. Sebastian, run the thermometer under the hot tap, would you? Chrissie chalk. Eric crayons. Lilly pepper," Simon ordered.

"How do you know she's not going to do something horrid to us?" Tora asked.

"I worked it out. She's a trained hypnotist. That's how she got us to do all those things last night. Just don't look directly at her and she won't be able to hypnotize us."

"Si, don't be absurd. Hypnosis hasn't been genetically proven to be successful. Stuff and nonsense," I said.

"Dana, do you have a more logical theory?"

"I guess not. And I do want to stay in bed."

"That's my girl."

With that he winked. I rolled my eyes. Tora suspiciously looked at us but brushed it off. We had gotten the chalk and crayons on our faces, the pepper I had no idea what it was for, and Seb held the thermometer.

"She's coming!" Seb yelled, running back to his bed.

"Remember, everyone,don't look in her eyes."

"We aren't gits, Si. At least not all of us."

"Dear, me."

"We can't get up. We're ill," Eric said.

"Colds in our noses," Chrissy said, pointing at her nose.

Seb added,"Our temperatures."

I said,"I'm feeling a bit doozy. There's two of everything."

"We think it might be the measles," Simon declared.

"Got measles," Aggy concluded cutely.

"Good heavens. Then there is, of course, no question of your getting up. I'm very sorry to have to tell you that you'll have to stay in bed." She turned. "Hmm." And she banged her stick.

"Thank heavens she left. Her face is just unbearable," I said.

We all laughed.

"Huh," Eric said, rubbing his chest.

"I don't feel well," Chrissie added.

"I think I've got a temperature," Lilly declared.

"Don't be daft," Simon replied, tugging at his collar.

"Simon, I can't get up," Tora told him.

"You must have looked at her then."

"I did not look," Today responded, kicking on her bed as an attempt to get up.

"I was under the covers the whole time, Simon, and I can't get up either," Lilly added.

"I can't get up!" Seb yelled.

Aggy was trying to get up as well, looking like she was about to cry.

"Simon, I think Aggy's going to cry. She can't get up and neither can I," I complained.

"I'm stuck like glue!" Eric complained as well.

"I'm stuck too!" Chrissie almost screamed.

Eric gave up and back on his bed, saying,"Ohh! Hypnosis, eh?" Simon ignored him. "Bang goes that theory."

"For a change, I agree with Eric. I told you so, Si! I'm getting dizzy. If you think of anything that is actually logical, wake me up. I have a lovely dream waiting for me," I said.


	7. Medicine Malfunction & Kid-starving Stew

D POV

I awoke to gurgling sounds, and the nanny had come in with a bottle of some foul looking liquid. It looked like it was alive.

"What is that?" Seb asked.

"Measle medicine, to be administered once an hour."

"Actually, I'm not sure it is the measles," Seb replied.

"How can it be anything other? The chalky white faces, the livid spots, the temperatures of 120 degrees..." She touched Simon's forehead and blew on her hand. "I've seen it time and again. Measles. Definitely. Open."

She poured out some of the medicine. We all groaned in disgust. She lowered the spoon near Si's mouth.

"Simon, don't!" Tora whispered.

"I'm not taking that."

"Then you won't get any better believe me."

"It's moving!" Seb yelled.

"I think it's alive!" I added.

Simon took the medicine. Chrissie groaned.

"Eww!" Eric covered his mouth. "Simon, spit it out."

Simon leaned forward on his bed, trying to swallow or spit it out, I couldn't tell.

"You have to swallow it sooner or later. I suggest you get it over with."

"Bloody gross! Si, it's bloody poison!" I shrieked.

He swallowed and tried to get rid of the flavor. I took the paper bag on my nightstand (Dana sleeps across from Aggy) and vomited in it.

"Very good. Who's next?"

* * *

Mrs. Blatherwick came in, carrying the smelliest broth I have ever smelled. She distributed it to us.

"Get that down you. There's a lot of goodness in a turkey neck. That'll get the ha airs back on your chest. Smell that? That is the smell that forged this empire. That pong is the long of conquerors. All right men. As you were." She gave a little salute and left.

"They actually are starving us. I wonder how long it will take us until we die."

"You and me both, Lilly," I added.


	8. Tell Tora

D POV

Mr Brown came in, saying,"Well, children, I heard you were in bed all day. But that you're better now."

Simon protested,"It wasn't our fault."

"I'm sure it wasn't anyone's fault, Simon. Good heavens. You can't help that you're ill, but you're better now."

Nanny McPhee banged her stick and Eric sat up on his bed. The rest of us followed. Sebsmiled.

"Papa?" Chrissie asked.

"Yes, Chrissie?"

""Now that we're better, can we get up?"

"Umm..."

We said in unison,"Can we get up please.?"

Evangeline looked at us like we were crazy. I noticed one of McPhee's warts disappeared.

"Of course, you can."

"Read to us," Chrissie added.

"I, um, I-I have my letter writing to do. I'll read to you tomorrow. Good night, my dears."

Chrissie lowered her head and looked like was about to cry.

Nanny McPhee asked, "Evangeline would you be so kind as to ask Cook to make the children some scrambled eggs and toast? I'm sure they'll all like a little supper now that they feel so much better."

We all lit up except for Simon. Seb smiled. I got up and carried Aggy a little bit.

"I'll do it myself, Nanny McPhee."

"Didn't she have two of those bumpy things?" Tora asked.

"The word is wart. Traditionally associated with witches, as it happens" Eric replied, climbing off the bed.

"Well, one of them's gone."

"Tora, she could just be using a cream. You can't possibly be implying she's a witch," I reasoned.

"I don't know, Dana, and can I talk to you?"

She motioned to the bathroom, and I followed her.

* * *

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"What happened between you and my brother last night? I saw you two sneak out."

"Don't scream, okay? We're together."

"Finally! You two look brilliant together!"

* * *

S POV

I must have been smiling like a maniac because Eric asked me if I was alright.

"Perfectly well. Why?"

"You're smiling really hard. Care to share?"

"Can't. I promised not to."

"Promised who?"

"No one special."

Tora and Dana came back with my sister giggling like there was no tomorrow. Did Dana tell her?


	9. Stubborn Mules & Tough Luck

S

POV

Papa came into the room gleefully.

"Ah, Nanny McPhee. Morning. Good, good, good. I have an announcement. Yes. Your Great-Aunt Adelaide is coming is coming for tea today."

Aggy cried and Dana shushed her. All of us dropped our spoons and forks and looked at Papa in shock.

Sebastian gasped,"No."

"Aunt Adelaide is vile and vicious,"Lilly protested. (A/N is it weird that Lilly always says vile and vicious.?)

"She's as blind as a bat! And we are convalescing, for heaven's sake!" Eric yelled.

"She reeks of spider droppings," Dana added, wrinkling her nose.

"That's enough. I-I don't want to hear anything bad about Aunt Adelaide. She pays the rent."

"She scares me," Chrissie said simply.

"Oh, come on now. She's only coming for tea. I'm sure you'll all be very good and put your best clothes on and Nanny McPhee will keep you all in order, won't you, Nanny McPhee?"

"I will try my best, sir, in consideration of the fact that today is Sunday, and, as I'm sure you remember that I am off-duty this afternoon."

We looked from Nanny McPhee to Papa."Off-duty?"

From Papa to Nanny McPhee. "Hmm."

"Well, you're off-duty when-Well, no,y-you can't be off duty. I-I need you. They need you."

"Sadly, I'll be leaving at noon."

"Don't worry at all, Mr. Brown. We promise to be on our absolutely best behavior even if it bloody kills us," Dana said with her right arm behind her back.

* * *

"I hate my best clothes. They're itchy," my baby brother complained.

"Well, we promised and that's that," Tora reasoned.

"Tora's right. I think we should do exactly as we're told. We've been told to put our best clothes on, right? Well, I'm going to put my best clothes on the pig."

"Simon don't!" Tora warned.

"Si, you're bloody brilliant! I call one of the puppies!" Dana said.

"Yes the pig!"

"You get the pig, I get the donkey."

"Oh, please don't."

We were pulling on the donkey's rope.

"This should put her off for wanting any of you girls," my big brother commented.

"That is, if we can get this stick-in-the-mud to cooperate," Dana added.

"Chrissie, hurry up," Lilly commanded.

"Tie it, Chrissie," Tora encouraged.

The rope broke and I told Eric to run after Chrissie. We caught up, but it was too late. She's already seen Chrissie. the donkey came, braying loudly.

"My hat! How dare you!" The donkey actually smiled! "Oh, my . What a merry game." The donkey waved! "My, my. What a pretty girl you are."

The donkey stood up and actually danced! All of us had our mouths hanging wide open while Aunt Adelaide laughed. Papa whispered to Chrissie and she came running to us. Dana bent down and hugged her tightly.

"Ah, there you are, staff."

"Yes, madam."

"I'm taking this child with me. Get her ready."

Nanny McPhee looked at the donkey who had blown a kiss at Aunt Adelaide. Chrissie, Tora, and Dana giggled in that order.

"Very well, madam."

"Sherry time!" The old lady delightedly said, bringing a confused Papa in with her.

"Do not forget that someone has to go with your great aunt, and it cannot be the donkey, can it?"

We looked at the normal donkey.

* * *

Inside the little clubhouse, as we call it, we were arguing who should go with the Lady Stitch.

"Well, I'm the eldest Brown girl. I'll go."

"No. I've always known I was destined for tragedy. I'll go."

"Aggy go."

"Don't be silly, Aggy. You're not even a whole girl yet," Eric replied.

"No. She wanted me. I'll go."

"I'll go,"Dana said softly. "It'll be nothing compared to the measures you all did to have me come and live here."

"No, Dana. I won't let you!" I screamed, standing up and got in front of her.

She stood up as well."Si, please. Its all for the best. All of your sisters will still be here. And-"

""No, Dana! You just can't! You mean the bloody world to me!"

"Si..."

"This isn't just a kindergarten crush, Dana! I bloody love you!" I shook her, and her eyes became wide.

". She's been my girlfriend the night the nanny came. We wanted all of you to focus on getting rid of her."


	10. One Too Many

D POV

The Brown siblings ran after their father, and Si took me by the hand and ran after them, dragging me along. We saw Mr. Brown stop yelling no. He must have thought we had picked Chrissie. The thought scares me.

"Papa!" Chrissie yelled.

Mr. Brown held her tight and life her off the ground. We arrived, and Mr. Brown was confused as he counted us.

"Then who's-"

"It is Evangeline, Mr. Brown."

"Evangeline? Oh."

"Papa, I, uh, we," Simon grasped my hand tighter,"have something to tell you."

"What is it, Si, my boy?"

"Dana and I are in love."

"This day just gets more surprising by the minute.


	11. Grateful

D POV

Si had asked both Mr. Brown and me if I could sleep with him that night. I was a sitting on his bed, hugging him from behind when Nanny McPhee came in.

"Time for bed."

"Thank you for saving me, Nanny McPhee."

"Mm-hmm."

"Yes. Thank you," Lilly said.

"Thank you," Eric said, lying down.

Tora said,"Thank you."

"Thank you," Seb added.

"Thank you," I said.

She looked at Simon expectantly. He only nodded his thanks. Her other mole disappeared.

"Hmm,"she replied, nodding approvingly.

Simon put his cricket ball (A/N I am not British so I had just guessed it was a cricket ball) back and laid down next to me. Nanny McPhee tucked Chrissie in.

"Papa was going to let her take me."

"No, Christianna. Your father would have never allowed it." She took her stick and turned. "Good night, children."

"Good night, Nanny McPhee."

"She hasn't got any warts at all now. Do you think she's using some sort of cream?"


	12. The Kiss

S POV

When I was sure everyone else was asleep, I nudged Dana. She groaned lightly, and looked at me sleepily. She was beautiful even when she's half-asleep.

"What is it, Si?"

"If someone had told you a year ago that you would be sharing a bed with me, what would you have done?"

"A year ago? I would have slapped them and told them you're my brother." She giggled softly.

I chuckled. "It's bloody hard to believe that you're sleeping right next to me."

"It's almost like a fairy tale."

"Good thing Lilly's asleep. She would've ranted us out for saying almost like a fairy tale."

"You know what I wish?I wish that we would be happy together forever and ever!" She said dreamily.

"You sound like Lilly."

"Simon,I'm serious. I just want to be happy with you."

She then did the unthinkable. She tilted her head and her lips touched mine. I felt humongous fireworks fly. Our lips moved in perfect sync. Despite the fact it was our first kiss. I licked her bottom lip, having read one of Lilly's romance novels due to her constant nagging. She granted me access without hesitation. I licked the inside of her mouth, exploring it. She tasted exactly as I imagined, sweet as chocolate. Our tongues fought for dominance in which I won. We came up for breath, and somehow, she was on top of me.

"Wow. Where did you bloody learn how to bloody do that?" she breathlessly asked, putting her forehead against mine, and her hair became a curtain, shielding us from the others in case they woke up.

"One of Lilly's novels," I replied, trying to catch my breath.

"Figures."

She lowered her head and kissed me again. It wasn't a passionate kiss like the first, but a soft, sweet kiss.

"Si?"

"Hmm?"

"You know, I love you."

"I love you too." I kissed her forehead again.

She rolled off me to my dismay.

"Si, you should be a little bit more serious sometimes."

"Why?"

"1, because it suits you better. 2, the determination look makes you so handsome. 3, I'll kiss you more often."

"I like the third reason best." I pecked her lips.

"I figured that. Is it alright if I go back to sleep? I am tired because a certain someone made me run about one and a half miles."

She glared at me.

"Sorry, didn't want you to miss the moment. Night."

"Night."


	13. Affairs of the Heart

D POV

Nanny McPhee took us to the beach (A/N NO IDEA WHAT THE PLACE IS CALLED). Simon and me were flying his kite, the rest of the girls were playing with the sand , Nanny McPhee was sitting down with Aggy, watching us, Seb was having trouble with his kite, while Eric was looking at some underwater creatures. Nanny McPhee noticed Seb's struggling and untied the rope, using magic of course.

Nanny McPhee cleared her throat. "Children, your father has asked me to tell you there's a mrs. Quickly coming for tea tomorrow."

"Nanny McPhee," Seb called.

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Could you stop Papa from marrying a horrid old stepmother?"

"I'm afraid not."

"Even if you wanted to?" Chrissie asked.

"Even if I wanted to."

"That's just terrible, Nanny McPhee. They are wonderful but will turn into cranky old people in a matter of minutes," I said.

"Dana," Si sighed.

"What, it's true. You're always cranky when you don't eat chocolate at least twenty times a day. Stepmothers never give their step kids any treats"

"I cannot interfere with affairs of the heart, children. Perhaps Simon could talk him into it."

"He wouldn't listen," Simon reasoned.

"It wouldn't hurt to try, would it?" I whispered.


	14. Think

D POV

"Oohh! Look at them! Won't you just look at them?"

The she-devil herself came to us, and I could barely hold the sour face in.

"Dana, don't worry. She'all be gone in five minutes,"Eric whispered.

"It'll be five minutes too many, Si."

"Aww. The little small things."

"Children, this is Mrs. Quickly."

"Oh, you mustn't start on a so formal footing. You must call me Auntie Selma."

"She wears too much perfume for a third time widow," I muttered.

"Dana, you'll get us in trouble," Simon hissed.

"At least I'm not the one hissing."

"Dana, just shush."

"Oh, dear. One does work up such a thirst in this heat."

"Never heard of a flirting widow before."

"Dana!"

"Oh. Tea. Yes, of course. Do go through. I'll, um,-"

"And leave these dear creatures? How can you ask it of me?"

As soon as they left, I felt like I was about to throw up. Luckily I didn't. Unluckily, Si sharply took my wrist.

"Dana, why do you have to keep making comments?"

"Simon, you know that I can't help it that I always speak my mind. I thought you of all people can understand that."

"But really, in front of her!? She'll know about the pranks. Come on! Let's go have a laugh."

* * *

S POV

As Mrs. Quickly talked about God knows what, I lowered the spider on the dumb blonde's head. (A/N no offense to all you blondes out there. My best friend is a blonde, and she is the smartest girl I know.)

"It's on her head," Tora whispered.

Papa noticed it, got on the widow to grab the spider, and put it in a box on the mantle. Mrs. Quickly started to talk again, and Papa gave her some food. He noticed it had worms in it, Dana's idea. She ate it and reached for more, but Papa stopped her. He offered her tea, and out came toad mucus. He opened the teapot, and a frog hopped out. Dana giggled right next to me. The jelly came out and was about to drop when Papa pulled Mrs. Quickly to the floor. Of course, she took it the wrong way. I gave Eric the signal to start the machine. I smirked.

"Finally, the best part," Dana whispered, and I knew she was smirking as well.

Mrs. Quickly got up and reached for the doorknob, but Papa got it first. He started to shake because of the electricity. Mrs. Quickly had opened the door. We immediately went back to our room,laughing.

* * *

"Papa's coming," I told Eric and Sebastian.

We came out and went on the steps. Dana was sitting with Tora.

Papa came in, saying,"She's gone. The only person in the whole world that stands between us and total ruin, and she's gone."

I stood next to Sebastian who asked,"What's "ruin?""

"There's no time to mince words. I can't support my own family. I never have been able to. There are just so many of you. But you are all so delicious."

"Mr. Brown, it just got harder when I came to live with you, right?"

"Dana, it's not anyone's fault. And Aggy came along and your mother was so ill, I said to her,"I think we should stop now, dear" and she said-she said,"I know." The fact of the matter is your Great-Aunt Adelaide has been supporting us for years with a monthly allowance. A little while ago, she told me I had to remarry or the allowance will stop. This woman today was my last chance. Our last chance."

"Ours?" I asked.

"When the money stops, the house would be taken. Some of you will perhaps will be put in the workhouse. Some will be put in the care of others. And, Dana, you'll be living with your father and stepmother."

"No."

"I don't know how many of you will be allowed to stay together. I'm sorry I have failed you, children."

With those sorrowful words, he left. Dana's eyes were full of tears and her hand covered her mouth.

"This isn't happening," she cried. She came down from her chair and hugged me.

"Do something," Lilly commanded.

"What would you suggest?"

Eric stood up, saying,"Change what happened. Bang your stick. Make it undo itself."

"Please, Nanny McPhee. Think of Aggy and Chrissie," Dana added, hugging me from the side again. "They could be beaten, or worse, killed. They have a bright future ahead of them."

"I cannot. These were your own actions. Simon promised that you would accept the consequences."

"Chrissie, come here. This might be the last chance I'll be able to hug you," Dana said, hugging her as tight as she could.

"What shall we do? Help us, Nanny McPhee! Tell us what to do!" I said.

"You must undo it for yourself."

"How? How?"

"Think. You are very clever children. Think."


	15. All Right

D POV

"What if this doesn't work,Si?"

"Then we have to embrace our fate."

"But I don't want to lose all of you. You're all I have left."

"Dana, it'll be okay. You'll see."

"I hope you're right."

We knocked on the door continuously until Mrs. Quickly opened it angrily.

"If you've come to fumble with my fas- oh."

"Mrs. Quickly, we're very sorry about the tea you've had with our father," Simon started.

"Typical of a man, sending his little ones to do his dirty work."

"No, he doesn't know we're here. Mr. Brown really wants to marry you. He isn't a cad or a bounder. He was only trying to protect you from all the naughty things we were doing," I defended.

"The toad in the teapot," Eric elaborated.

"And the jelly from the sky," Lilly added.

"That was my idea! I mean, my fault!" Seb corrected.

"I have no idea what you could be referring to. Don't try to make excuses for him. He's a flounder and a gad."

"No, he's not. He's a good man. He was just trying to save us. 'Cause if he doesn't, well, all the money will go, and we'll be thrown out on the streets," Simon replied.

"Money? What money?"

"Our Great-Aunt Adelaide's money," Torareplied.

"Which Mr. Brown will inherit in case she falls ill."

"Lady Adelaide Stitch," Eric added.

"Lady? Mm!"

We left her house and went to ours where we made a beeline for Mr. Brown's office.

"Mr. Brown!"

"Mrs. Quickly!"

"Your children have explained everything tome."

"Explained?"

"That their little tricks during tea were only a natural result of their motherless conditio that they only need a woman's presence in the house to calm their tempers and that you can benefit quite as much from that comforting presence, pathetic and lonely as you are. And all it takes is one little question, Cedric." She cleared her throat.

Simon made a proposing gesture, and his father got the idea.

"Oh, y-uh, yes. Yes, of course." She cleared her throat again. "Mrs. Quickly."

"Selma."

"Yes, I mean Selma. Would you do me the honor of becoming my- of becoming my-"

"Wife," Eric whispered.

"Yes. "Wife." That's the word."

"Yes. Oh, yes, Cedric." She bent down and kissed Mr. Brown disgustingly. "Off you go, my dears. Give Daddy a little time to himself with your new mummy."

"I don't know if I should be happy for us or disgusted with her," Simon said flatly.

* * *

Later that night, I heard footsteps so I looked up from my book. I moved over to Simon's bed, sitting in between him and Seb.

"I'm sorry. I should've told you.I see that now. If I had discussed with you beforehand, we wouldn't be in all this awful mess,would we?"

"No. It was our fault. We should have known you had a good reason to remarry."

He had gotten teary so I gave him a hug.

"Well, whatever happens, at least this way, we'all all be together. That's what matter, isn't it? Hmm? And I promise I'll never hide anything that affects us from you ever again. I can see you're more than capable of understanding it."

"Papa?"

"Yes, my boy?"

"Do you think Mama still thinks of us where she is?"

"Seb, not only is she thinking of you. She's right there behind your papa and hugging both him and Chrissie. She's smiling, feeling proud that you were all brought up correctly. Just like I am."

Si went behind me and hugged me from behind. Seb and Ericjoined in, and so did Tora, Lilly, and Chrissie. When I was released, Mr. Brown spoke.

"Dana, thank you. You've helped this family out in more ways than you think."

"Mr. Brown, it's nothing, really. Think of it as a payment for letting me stay."

"It's no big deal, and, Dana, please call me Papa. You're family now. Always have, always will. I'm sure that you will become a Brown. Simon seems to be serious about you."

I blushed.

"Now, Chrissie, why don't you choose us a story.?"


	16. Happy Ever After

S POV

I heard a distant lamb bleat. Nanny McPhee was making sure we looked presentable.

"Sebastian, your top button is undone. Lilly, you have a little hair in your crook. Eric, help her, please." Dana was fiddling with her hair. "Dana, please stop touching your hair. It looks fine."

"It's perfect," I corrected, taking her hand and kissed her knuckles.

"Simon!"

"Your father will be down in a moment."

"Now that's an improvement," Mrs. Quickly said, coming into the house. "Letty, go keep a lookout. I say, whatever your name is, don't you suppose that you could give me a little moment on my own with the little darlings?" Nanny McPhee nodded and left. "Now, my dears, there's going to be some changes around here. I'm in charge of this household now. And while I'm in charge, you children will behave. Do you hear? Behave." Aggy started jingling her rattle. "We aren't having any of that nasty noise all way through my nice wedding either." She took the rattle, and Aggy started crying. "Shut her up."

Dana and Eric were right. Stepmothers are evil. I tried to get the rattle back from her.

"Naughty."

"It's our mother's rattle. Give it back."

"I'm your mother now," she replied, breaking the rattle in half. "Time to adapt."

Dana gasped, and we looked at her in shock. Papa came down.

"Papa, Mrs. Quickly-"

"Seb, no."

"Yoo-hoo,Cedric. I realize the bride and groom shouldn't meet until the ceremony, but after all, you and I are old hands at this, are we not?"

She held out her hand for Papa to kiss, but he just shook it.

"She's here! Lady Stitch!"

Cook, Letter, and Mrs. Quickly opened the door. They exchanged greetings and whatnot.

"Oh, keep up, will you?" Aunt Adelaide called.

We all peeked at the hall to see her. She was wearing a baby blue dress with a pink ribbon, a simple hat with a similar pale ribbon, and carried a lacy white umbrella.

"She's beautiful," Dana whispered.

"Who's that?" Sebastian asked.

"It's a princess," Lilly answered.

"A fairy princess," Chrissie added.

"It's Evangeline," Papa confirmed.

"Straight back. Remember your vowels. May I present my adopted daughter, Miss Evangeline Stitch. What are we doing, milling about in this death vestibule? Sherry this instant!"

"Might I beg the honor of pouring the tea the privileged schooners myself?"

"Delectable to see you again, madam," Evangeline said to Cook.

"Blinkin' bell," she replied, following the three women.

"And how nice to see the young people."

"Welcome back, Evangeline. You look well. Are you well?"

"I am most content. You must be very happy to be marrying again."

"Oh,yes. I'm-I'm - How did you put it most content? Of course. Good grief."

"I am so glad."

"Evangeline."

"Pray, excuse me."

* * *

T POV

We came into the garden. Dana sneezed.

"Dana, are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Tora. The pollen is just a little too much for my taste." Her eyes went wide as she sat next to Simon. "Tora! Lean over here, will you?"

I did,asking,"What?"

"Pretend there's bees while the priest is talking."

"Brilliant!"

"Pass it on."

She leaned into Simon's ear and whispered to him. I did the same thing only to Sebastian. Mrs. Quickly walked down the aisle and we stood up. Dana and I exchanged glances while Simon did so with Nanny McPhee. We sat down when Mrs. Quickly reached the front. Dana gave the signal and Simon started to make a buzzing noise. He stood up.

"Get off!" He said, using his program to hit an imaginary bee.

Dana sneezed again and again As my siblings and I joined in.

"Dana? Are you okay?" Simon asked, hitting the air around him.

"There's bees! The flowers, they haven't been pollenated! They're attracting them! I should know, I'm allergic!" she shouted worriedly, sneezing in between.

Everyone on our side started to hit the air, actually believing us. I have got to admit, Dana is one amazing actress. I would have believed her myself if I didn't know what she was doing. The priest, Mrs. Quickly, and Papa started to whisper to each other. The priest looked nervous. Perhaps he was allergic to bees. Simon stopped hitting the air to look at Papa.

"I do," Papa said, hitting Mrs. Quickly on the head which sent her to the ground."It's all right. I got the little bugger."

The priest was frailing his arms about, shouting,"It's on me! It's on me!" He hit a cake which hit Mrs. Quickly. "Lord love a duck."

We giggled while Mrs. Quickly took another cake and tossed it toward the priest. The priest moved and made the cake hit Aunt Adelaide.

"Oh my Lord. Your Highness."

* * *

D POV

She made one of her coachman toss a cake at Quickly. The cake hit one of The groomsmen. The other one laughed and got cake in his face as well. We all joined in. Cook was trying to protect the biggest cake of all. Simon threw a cake at his father who hit it with a violin. The cake hit Evangeline on her dress. She got up angrily and threw a cake at his shoulder. They both laughed and proceeded with the cake fight. Lady Stitch scolded her but Evangeline didn't listen. Mrs. Quickly was searching for her hair extensions. Seb and Chrissie took them.

"Look at them. The little small things," Chrissie mimiced.

"That's it! You dreadful,awful monstrous creatures!" She started to hit the two.

"Take your hands off my children."

"Cedric, it's over! I won't spend another minute with this rabble! And I don't care how much the old hag is giving you." She left in a huff.

"A nice choice for a wife, Cedric, I must say."

"I'm so sorry, Aunt Adelaide. You haven't given me enough time to find anyone else."

"And as for your children, a lengthy spell in a corrective institution is long overdue. That Woodman girl should live with her disciplinary father from the very start." Part of my hair covered the left side of my face as she said this. Si hugged me from behind. "And you,Evangeline, I can see that you are as wild as the rest of them."

"And proud to be. I love them, Lady Stitch, which is more than you do."

"I would leave you here to rot, but I gave my word that I would raise you as my own. And I never ever break my word. Come away now!"

Evangeline left with her, and then something clicked in my brain.

"Lady Stitch, wait!" She stopped as I got closer. "You promised the Browns that unless Mr. Brown marries, the allowance will stop, correct?"

"Yes."

"You gave him until today, am I right?"

"You're wasting my time."

"I'm not. He will marry today."

"What?"

"What?"

"What?"

"What?"

"Who?"

Lilly caught on. "He'll marry Evangeline!"

She came back.

"Incest?"

"But Evangeline isn't their sister."

"Not their sister?"

"Of course, she's not our sister," Tora said.

"Well, who is she then?"

"I'm his scullery maid."

"What?"

"Evangeline, do you love Papa?" Simon asked.

"Of course not. That would be in appropriate of me. I- Yes."

"Papa, do you love Evangeline?" Lilly asked.

"That would totally improper. I- Yes."

"He's marrying a scullery maid?" Lady Stitch fainted.

It started to snow. All of our clothes became white and clean. It wasn't even that cold. I twirled around on the snow, only to bump into Simon.

"How did I get so loudly to have you, Dana?" He asked tucking in some of my hair that covered my face.

"That's something I have been wondering about as well, Si."

"Come on. We have to apologize to Evangeline."

"Right."

He took my hand and we ran to Evangeline whose dress became good as new.

"Evangeline! Whatever we said about stepmothers Being an evil breed. It does not apply to you."

He offered his hand for her to shake, but I made him lower it.

"Evangeline, don't shake his hand."

"Why not?"

"Because it should be a little more like this." I hugged Evangeline. "Eric, you're going to have to accept Evangeline as your new mother sooner or later." He shrugged, but still joined in.

We went back to our seats. A bit later, we saw Evangeline in a stunning wedding dress and veil made of snowflakes. Nanny McPhee looked pleasant. She had no warts, unibrow, loose teeth, and had gotten skinny. The priest started again and before I knew it, they kissed.

And They Lived Happily Ever After


End file.
